Love...With All Your Heart

 If you're new to the blog, take a minute to hop over and read the introduction to this post: Crock-Pot Marriage

It seems a little ironic to me that I would start my "Love..." series with this topic, what with my declaration of how much I despise manufactured mushy, lovey feelings.  (No clue what I'm talking about?  Take a quick detour and read what I have against Valentine's Day.)

But since the heart is really the first place we go to talk about love, it seems only fitting.  And the whole basis for this series, Mark 12:30, starts with the heart so I figure it's best to do the same.

Love...with all your heart.

At first glance, it seems that the idea of loving someone with all your heart would be a simple thing.   Loving is something we do naturally, from the time we are small children. It seems that the need to love and be loved was woven into the core of who we are as humans.

And why wouldn't it be?  After all, we are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27) and God is, Himself, love. (1 John 4:7-8)

And yet, love is this mystical feeling that we really don't seem to have much control over and can't even really describe.  All we know is that sometimes it makes us want to sing, and other times it makes us want to cry.  It makes us long to be around the person we love and to pull them close and hold them tight.  It compels us to do things for someone else that we never imagined ourselves doing.  

Oh, this wonderful thing we call love!

And when we first began to feel this amazing feeling for the person who is now our spouse, it turned our world upside down. We couldn't imagine anything ever changing the way we felt.  Nothing could ever taint this perfect, beautiful, glorious LOVE we were feeling.

(If you're a newlywed, you may even feel that way about your spouse this very moment.  Take a minute or two and just bask in the warmth of that deliciously wonderful feeling!)

While the newlyweds are basking, the rest of us are going to take a stroll ahead to the reality of life a few years after the wedding.   Let's face it, it doesn't matter how wonderful your marriage is, there are just some days that are a little less 

and a little more

Emotions - feelings - are fickle things, affected by so many variables.  The weather, lack of sleep, hormones, the children...   Some days we're feeling the love and some days... well, let's just say we're not feeling it.  If someone were to ask us, "do you love your spouse?" of course we would answer with a resounding, "yes!"  But if we were asked, "how do you feel about him right now?" I daresay that sometimes it would be difficult to answer quite so enthusiastically.

Would you be shocked if I told you that loving your spouse with all your heart actually has very little to do with how you feel?

God has loved us - His most precious creation - with all of His heart.  He loves us so much that first He gave us His Son: a living, breathing, walking, talking personification of Himself.  And then He called Jesus back to His presence so that He could send something better: His Holy Spirit. (See John 16:7) The Comforter, the Helper.  A part of Himself that could live in each one of His children, that would allow us to constantly live in His presence.  And Galatians 5:22-23 tells us that when the Holy Spirit lives in us, we begin to see things like love and joy and peace and patience begin to show up in our lives.  Each one of these Fruits of the Spirit are somehow connected with an emotion, with our heart.

God has loved us with His heart by giving of Himself in order to take care of our hearts.

And now it is our turn to love our spouses with our hearts by taking care of theirs.

This means we've got to start by finding out what their hearts need.  Perhaps your spouse follows the pattern described by Paul in Ephesians 5:33, where he instructs husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands.  Why would he give such instructions?  Because most women need to feel loved and most men need to feel respected!  Sure, it's not true for absolutely everyone across the board, but you'll never know unless you seek out your spouse's heart and discover for yourself what he or she needs.  In addition, you've got to discover what it means to love your wife or respect your husband from their perspective.

Respect is incredibly important to my husband.  I can tell him that I love him all day long, but if I don't show him respect, especially in our home and around our children, he doesn't feel loved.  I've known this for a good long time.  But I realized a while back that I didn't completely understand what it means to show him respect.  I had my own definition, but I had never bothered to ask Scott what he perceived as respect, or especially the lack thereof.  Unless I understand what he perceives as respect, I will never be able to give it to him.  And so I asked him.

It's so very much easier to communicate with someone if you know what language they speak.

Now I am trying to learn to speak "Respect" in Scott's language.  There are times when it is honestly really hard and it requires some self-sacrifice.  There are even some times when I think it's beyond what I am capable of doing.  (Mostly that means keeping my mouth shut instead of speaking my mind, which truly happens only by the self-control grown in me by the Holy Spirit.)  But it's what my husband's heart needs, and so I am trying to choose to give it. 

What do you need to do to love your spouse with all your heart?  Ask him or her and find out!  Sit facing one another on the couch or on the bed.  Look each other in the eyes and ask, "What can I do to make you feel more loved by me?" And then keep asking questions until you completely understand.  You might be as surprised by the answers you get as your spouse is by the question itself!

Once you know what it will take - or even as you're still figuring it out - work, and work hard at doing whatever it is that your spouse's heart needs you to do.  That means being intentional with words and actions.  It means dying to self  at times in order to give your husband the respect that he needs, or your wife the love and adoration that she needs.  Give sacrificially of yourself in order to care for the heart of your beloved.

What a relief it is to me to know that loving my husband with all my heart really has nothing to do with sappy, mushy sentiment (although that may be exactly what your spouse needs from you!), but everything to do with giving his heart what it needs.  Ironically, I often realize that when I am intentionally loving Scott, giving his heart what it needs, those mushy feelings start to show up on their own.

I guess sometimes a girl just has to give in...

So This Is Love, part 2: An Enduring Love

Originally posted in September, 2012

"Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." 1 Corinthians 13:7

Last week I promised that I would be back today to share my thoughts on love that endures.  I've been mulling it around, wondering what exactly I want to write -- what GOD wants me to write -- and this is where I am:  We have been deceived.  

Those of us who are fortunate enough to live in modern, civilized culture have been deceived.  

Specifically concerning marriage.  

We have allowed ourselves to be convinced that the vows we make on our wedding day come with qualifiers.  "I promise to love you forever...as long as it doesn't get too hard."  "I promise to stay faithful...as long as you make me happy."  "I promise, as long as..."

I've been married for a little over thirteen years now, and I know to some that seems like barely any time at all.  To others, that seems like forever.  Thirteen years doesn't make me an expert, but it does afford me a wide array of experiences, some good and some bad.  Some even worthy of calling it quits, at least by the world's standards.  And there have been times that I have heard the voice in my head telling me just to gather my children and leave, that whisper of deception trying to convince me that I'd be better off somewhere else, maybe even with someONE else.

Satan wants to destroy marriage.  Not just because it is such a precious relationship, but also because it depicts God's great love for us, He being the groom and we the bride.  So Satan tells us: "It's too hard.  Just give up."  But God says love never gives up.  "There is no hope for this marriage."  God says to have faith, there is always hope.  "He screwed up.  He doesn't deserve you.  You shouldn't have to put up with this."  God tells us that true love endures every circumstance.

Love is not and never will be easy.  Loving your spouse is no exception.  A successful marriage requires pounds of patience, grace, kindness, and forgiveness.  I believe those are only possible with the intervention and leading of the Holy Spirit.  Apart from Him, we simply cannot live the kind of love God created for us to share with our spouse.

I also believe that for the vast majority of those of us who are married, sometimes walking away seems like the easy choice when in reality, walking away would leave us more hurt and wounded than we were in our marriages.  Choosing instead to endure your present circumstances is not only the right thing to do, it's the BEST thing to do.  And I'm not talking about enduring your situation like you would endure a visit to the dentist.  I'm talking about purposefully choosing not to give up, not to quit.  I'm talking about daily pursuing a closer relationship with your husband and with God, surrendering your struggles and your dreams to Him and allowing Him to re-create your marriage the way He intended it to be!

I recently experienced something with my husband that could have been devastating to our marriage.  When our counselor asked me why I chose not to walk away -- why I never even considered it -- I told him that it was only because I had been diligently studying God's Word and specifically asking for the Holy Spirit to lead me in every part of my life (Gal. 5:25).  There is no other explanation.  And while I am still enduring some tough circumstances, I can tell you without a doubt that I have already experienced huge blessings because I am choosing not to give up.

Please don't be deceived.  Walking away from a less-than-perfect marriage is not the solution.  Choose instead to hold on through your current circumstances (and many more that will inevitably come) knowing that God can and will heap huge blessings on your marriage when you hold true to His Word.  Choose to have the kind of love for your spouse that endures through every circumstance.

"Three things will last forever -- faith, hope and love -- and the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)

The Best Lamb

I wrote this last year on Veteran's Day, but I feel like it has a message that needs to be shared again.  I will always be grateful to our veterans who have and continue to sacrifice so much to make our country what it is today, but I am most grateful for my God Who made the ultimate sacrifice for my eternal freedom.

I love it when I read to my kids and the story strikes me far more than it does them.  Especially when I'm reading a Bible story.  My favorite kids' book is the Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones.  Today's story was about Moses, Pharaoh and the Ten Plagues.  A seemingly harmless little retelling of the famous battle of wills between God and a very stubborn Pharaoh.  Until it got to the last plague.  You know, the one where the firstborn of all in Egypt would die?  But God had a plan to rescue His people.  Here's how Ms. Lloyd-Jones paraphrased it:   

God told his people to take their best lamb, to kill it and put some of its blood on their front doors.  "When God passes over your house," Moses explained, "God will see the blood and know that the lamb died instead of you."

 As I read that last sentence I could feel my throat start to tighten and my eyes started to water.  "God will... know that the lamb died instead of you."  All I could think about was God's "Best Lamb" that died for me.  "For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. It was the precious blood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God" (1 Peter 1:18-19).  Jesus' blood has been poured over the door of my heart, and by it, God knows that The Lamb died in my place.  By His blood, I am rescued from my slavery to sin, my slavery to this world.


I wonder if, for the rest of their lives, the Israelites looked at their firstborn child and remembered that lamb who gave its life so their child could live.  I wonder if, every time they saw a lamb, their hearts spilled over with gratitude for the one that took their child's place.  I also wonder if on that dreadful night so many, many years ago, God paused at the threshold of each house in Egypt before He entered in.  Did He hesitate for just a moment, knowing the heartache and grief He was about to bring on the family who lived in that home?  All because one man refused to honor anyone as King other than himself.  Did God breathe a sigh of relief each time He came to a home that had the blood of the lamb painted across the door frame?


I'm certain, because I know that our God is a God of love, that His heart was heavy that night and for many more to come as the Egyptian families mourned the loss of their firstborn children.  I am just as certain that now it grieves Him each time someone turns their heart from Him and refuses to acknowledge Him as Lord, each time someone refuses to paint the blood of The Lamb on the doors of their heart.  For The Lamb has already been slain, the ransom already paid.  But without the blood, the sin stands uncovered and His judgment cannot pass by.


Today is Veterans Day.  It's a day for us, as Americans, to remember the men and women who have given their lives to preserve the freedoms that we have come to know and cherish.  How grateful I am that so many were willing to sacrifice their time, effort and even their lives for the sake of my freedom.  But today I was also reminded that long before America ever came to be, there was a Lamb who gave His life for me, so that I might have eternal freedom that I could never earn on my own.  Thank You, Jesus, for Your sacrifice.  Thank You for covering me in Your blood.  Thank You for allowing Your judgment to pass me by unharmed.  Thank You for being the "Best Lamb" and dying in my place.  For that I will truly be eternally grateful.