I.HATE.MONDAYS

"I.HATE.MONDAYS."

My ten-year-old son grumbled those words to me a couple of weeks back when I shook him and told him it was time to get out of bed.  I've gotta say...I agree.

I.HATE.MONDAYS, TOO.

Have you ever had a day like the one I did today?

It was a Monday in every stereotypical fashion, full of disappointments and frustrations, stresses and challenges.  Nothing earth-shattering or life-changing.  Just an accumulation of small things that made me want to come home, crawl in my bed and pull the covers up over my face. 

And then stay there until Friday.

I'm tempted to wallow in my failures, to walk away from the challenges instead of finding a way to conquer them, to complain to God about how hard my day has been, to villainize the people who added to my stress.

Or maybe just hide from them and hope they all go away.

Life doesn't work that way, though.  At least not the kind of life that I am called to in Christ.

When I wallow in my struggles, when I roll around in them and let them cover up all that is good in myself or in my life, I give them far too much control over my emotions and my self-esteem.  I give these negative experiences authority that they don't deserve; I give my shortcomings the power to define who I am.  I have to be purposeful in reminding myself that I am not defined by my failures, but by the grace that God has poured out on me through His Son, Jesus.  1 John 3:1 says, "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"

I am more than my mess-ups.  I am a child of the God of the Universe, and I am loved mightily by Him.

When I walk away from the challenges that life throws at me, I walk away from opportunities to allow God's power to reign in and through me.  I deny the Holy Spirit the chance to guide me and stretch me, to mold me into a woman that more closely resembles Himself.  I also confess with my actions that I have little faith in the power of my Savior.  In Philippians 4:13 - an often quoted verse - Paul claims that through Christ he can endure any situation, no matter how challenging.  When I give up because circumstances get a little uncomfortable or intimidating, it's as if I perceive the situation to be bigger than my God.

When I complain to God about the stress of my day, do I take into consideration all the blessings that have been wedged in between the irritations? (James 1:2 even describes trials as a blessing because they create in us maturity of faith and character!)  Do I look around at the people in my little world who are truly suffering in BIG ways, just to put my own troubles into perspective?  Am I honestly following Paul's instructions in Philippians 4:8 that teach us how to focus our thoughts on good and lovely things?  Or those in 1 Thessalonians 5 that tell us to give thanks in every circumstance? 

I think not.

And when I tell my husband about all the awful people that I encountered through the day, when I recount all the many offenses I've endured... 
 
Well, now I've set myself up as the judge, the one worthy of defining the worth and position of someone else.  James 4:11-12 says, "Do not speak evil against one another, brothers. The one who speaks against a brother or judges his brother, speaks evil against the law and judges the law. But if you judge the law, you are not a doer of the law but a judge. There is only one lawgiver and judge, he who is able to save and to destroy. But who are you to judge your neighbor?"

Yes, who am I to judge?  Instead, Jesus Himself instructs me to do this: "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you..." (Matthew 5:44)

Sigh.

Can't I just stay under the covers and hide?  

In John 10:10 Jesus declares that He has come to bring us life "to the full."  Somehow I don't think hiding beneath my pillow is the kind of full life that He was speaking of.

A full life has many ups and downs, even when we're walking with Jesus the entire way.  The difference He creates isn't an absence of frustrations or failures, but a different way of handling them.  We can be confident - even in the face of our own shortcomings - that we are valuable and loved members of God's family.  We can depend on the power of the Holy Spirit to help us thrive in any challenging situation, and even see it as a blessing along the way.  And those awful people who we just want to cut to shreds with our words...they become instead the object of our prayers.

Life does look a little different from that perspective, doesn't it?  Maybe Mondays don't have to be so rotten after all.

I'm still hoping for a better day tomorrow...

Worrier or Warrior??

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done." 

 (Phil. 4:6, NLT)

I'm a natural-born worrier.  I'm really good at worrying.  And I've had a lot to worry about lately: How are we going to make ends meet financially when things are getting so expensive?  Am I doing a good enough job raising my children?  When will I find time to really get my house clean?  Is all of this Halloween candy going straight to my waistline?  Do I let my kids watch too much television?  Do they eat enough fruits and vegetables?  Am I following God's plan for my life?  My worries range from utterly insignificant to life altering.

My husband and I have a friend who is going through some pretty tough times in his life lately, and so many circumstances seem beyond his control.  He was joining us for dinner one night when I quoted Philippians 4:6 to him: "Be anxious about nothing; pray about everything."  Since then, that verse has just been rolling around in my head.  I don't know why it took so long, but FINALLY, after a week or so, it occurred to me that the verse is still in my mind because I need to apply it just as much as my friend does!  Sure, my circumstances aren't as tumultuous as his right now, but I've still been worrying about everything!  I've lost sleep, I've been crabby and short-tempered, I've missed out on too many sweet moments, all because I was too busy worrying.  Yep, I'm a really good worrier.

What I'd rather be is a warrior.  A prayer warrior, that is.  Philippians 4:6 tells us not to worry about anything, but pray about everything.  Before my day even begins, I should be praying for God's guidance and help to accomplish all that He puts before me.  I should pray for wisdom in my parenting, for self-control when it comes to the Halloween stash.  If it warrants anxiety, it warrants a moment of prayer.  I checked four or five different translations of Phil. 4:6 and they all use the word "everything" when it comes to prayer.  Not "some things" or "the really important things."  EVERYTHING.  I love how The Message paraphrases the verse: "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns."  God wants us to tell Him what's bothering us.  If nothing else, when we turn our worries into prayers, we're relinquishing control of those things.  Sure, they're not always going to be extremely significant issues, but by praying about them we're confessing that God is in ultimate control of our lives, even the minute details.

The very best part of relinquishing our worries and offering them up instead as prayers is the freedom that results.  Verse 7 of Philippians 4 says, "Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." The Message says it like this: "Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."  Wow.  That kind of peace is definitely something I want -- and desperately need -- in my life.  The stress, the mood swings, the sleepless nights that come with a life of worry will all be replaced with calmness and peace when we consistently surrender our worries to God.  How much richer and fuller would life be if we would allow Christ to consume us instead of our worries.

So, I'm ready to stop wasting my time and energy being a worrier, and instead become a prayer warrior.  I plan to work harder at turning my worries into prayers, allowing God to turn my anxiety into peace.  After all, "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?...Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." (Matthew 6:27, 33. NLT)

He Never Lets Go

Yesterday morning during our worship service, we sang the song "Never Let Go" by Matt Redman.  Ironically, I had been singing it myself the whole week before.  Now I know why.  The chorus of this song says this:

Oh, no, You never let go.
Through the calm and through the storm.
Oh, no, You never let go.
In every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go,
Lord, You never let go of me.

As we sang the song yesterday, this amazing picture popped into my head.  It was a picture of God's hand wrapped tightly around me.  Not just around my hand, but around all of me.  I knew I was safe there.  I knew that no matter what happened, God would never let go of me, neither on purpose nor by accident.  I can never "slip" from His grasp, and He will never intentionally let me fall.  Nor can any circumstance pull me from His grip.

And then I had another "vision" of sorts.  This time, I was holding on to a rope that was fraying and about to break.  In fact, it was holding on only by a thread and I was desperately trying to cling to the rope, hoping against hope that it would hold up under my weight.  What I didn't realize was that I was resting securely in the palm of God's hand the entire time.  I was desperately afraid of falling and was trying so hard to hold myself up that I didn't realize I just needed to let go and trust God to hold on to me.

Do you feel like that sometimes?  Maybe even now?  Do you feel like you're just holding on by a thread and that if one more trial comes that thread will break and you'll plummet downward to your demise?  Friend, look down and see that God's hand is there underneath you.  Sure, the trials will come and they will be bitter.  But God's hand will always be there.  And He's a BIG God; He cannot be tumbled by the trials of this world.  Of that you can be sure.

I want you to see one other thing.  Notice that the hand that holds you bears the scar of a deep wound.  The hand that holds you belongs to a God who loves you so completely that He would stop at nothing, even death on a cross, to rescue you.  The hand that holds you is that of a God who has suffered just as we have -- physically, emotionally, relationally -- and understands what it means to stare death in the face.  The hand that holds you is steady and strong, yet compassionate and caring.  In it you can place your whole trust and find the solace that your soul longs for.  Friend, when you belong to Jesus, you are safe.  Always.


"Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you."  Deut. 31:6.


Oh, no, You never let go.
In every high and every low.
Oh, no, You never let go,
Lord, you never let go of me.

Savoring the Season

I enjoy a lot of things about winter.  I love Christmas, I love seeing sparkly white trees glisten in the morning light, I love the beauty of a freshly fallen snow.  But I have to be honest.  For the most part, I really despise winter.  The bitter cold that cuts through the warmest coat, the wind as it whips across the open Plains of Kansas, the sun that sets before the end of the business day, gloomy skies, and endless days of being trapped inside.  I find myself wishing after the first week of real, true winter, that spring would hurry up and come and free us from this dreadful prison.  Oh, how trapped I feel by this miserable season!


Sometimes I feel that way about life, too, you know?  I love my four kiddos, but I've had an infant or toddler in my home for the last 10 years and quite honestly, I'm ready to be past this stage of life.  I'm tired of having to schedule my days around feeding times and nap times.  I would love for words like "potty" to be permanently removed from my vocabulary.  And the constant "why?" questions -- boy, will I be glad to get through that stage for the last time!  But, alas, my youngest is just getting ready to turn three years old, so I have one more go-around with the "why?" and "what happens if..." phase.


I also have dreams for my life, things that I would like to accomplish.  Most of them aren't terribly ambitious, but still, I'd like to get them done.  Things like scrapbooking the past eight years of my children's lives.  Like losing that last ten pounds.  Like writing those three books that I've got mapped out in my head.  Or finding part-time work to help ease the financial burden on my husband.  I would really love to study through my Inductive Study Bible, leaving notes on the entire book so that someday my children can comb back through it and learn from my insights.  And speaking of books... there are so many out there that I would love to read!  But do you know what?  I can't do it all.  Not today, at least.  And do you know why?  It isn't the right season.


Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes chapter three, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven." He then goes on to list fourteen pairs of opposites that happen in everyone's lifetime: "a time to be born, a time to die...a time to weep and a time to laugh."  And while he says nothing specifically about writing books or getting jobs, he does make his point:  Life has seasons, and we can't expect to be able to accomplish everything that God has in store for us right NOW.  We have to wait until the time is right.  No farmer can expect to harvest his grain while he is planting it.  No, those things happen in two different seasons.  You have to WAIT on the grain to be ready.


Now, patience is not something that God blessed me with an abundance of.  (Instead, he gave me four little patience-teachers!)  So this concept of waiting for the right season is not an easy one for me to embrace.  When I have an idea or make plans for something, I like to see it happen NOW!  And it's really not so much about the "instant gratification" as much as it is the eagerness to see my goal accomplished.  And I think sometimes I'm afraid that if I don't do it now, I'll never get the chance.


So here's what I'm learning: Take a deep breath and survey the season you're living in right now.  Discover the fullness of life it has to offer, and realize that it will soon pass and you'll be smack in the middle of a new one.  My oldest child is about to turn ten years old.  He's almost into double digits and middle school.  I love so many things about him growing up -- the conversations we have, the things he's learning, his self-sufficiency.  But then I look at my almost-three and four year olds and realize that I wouldn't trade this season in their lives for anything, not even quiet mornings to myself.  Soon enough they'll all be in school and I'll have time to do so many of those things that I want to do.  But now is not the time.  


My two youngest children keep asking for watermelon at lunchtime, and I tell them, "It's not the right season."  When I start to get restless and wish I was doing something different, I think the Spirit whispers in my ear, "It's not the right season."  It's a gentle reminder that yes, there is more to come, but not today.  "Enjoy today.  Soak up what I am giving you in this season.  The next one will come soon and this one will be gone.  Don't miss it."


I still don't like winter too much.  And I still think I will be glad when all four of my kids are a little more self-sufficient, but I'm sure trying harder to enjoy them the way they are right now.  And all those things I'm so eager to accomplish?  I think I will start writing them down so that when the right seasons come, I won't forget them.  Because it might be a good long while before their seasons come.  But that's okay, because I know I can trust God when He says there is a time for everything, and a season for every activity imaginable.  And I'm sure He'll keep me busy while I'm waiting!

Choosing To Trust

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

Anxiety is frequent guest in my heart.  I'm a worrier; always have been.  But I've had more than several occasions in my life to learn to trust God through the big and small upsets, and I really thought I had become quiet proficient in trusting Him in spite of my propensity toward worrying.  Until last week. 

Last week my family's life was turned topsy-turvy when my husband experienced what our doctor now believes was a seizure.  He lost consciousness in the middle of the night, and I honestly thought I could be watching the love of my life die right in front of me.  It was probably the most terrifying experience either one of us has lived through.  After three hours in the ER, we were sent home with no answers and few instructions.  The next night, as both of us attempted rather unsuccessfully to sleep, fear took hold of my heart and refused to let go.  I was terrified that it would happen again and that this time I would be unable to help him.  Scenes from the night before played through my mind as I prayed, begging God not to let it happen again.  If by some miracle I did manage to drift off into semi-sleep, I would jerk myself awake if I felt Scott move or if I heard him make any kind of a noise.  It was a long, miserable night.

Sunday morning I sat at the kitchen table reading a chapter from our Sunday School book, taking advantage of the fact that everyone else in the house was still asleep.  The chapter is titled, "Choosing to Trust God," and it spoke of casting our anxieties on God and trusting him to be sovereign in every situation.  Tears flowed down my face as I read these words:

"We are invited in the words of Peter to 'cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you' (1 Peter 5:7).  God cares for you!  Not only will He never leave you -- that's the negative side of the promise -- but He cares for you.  He is not just there with you; He cares for you.  His care is constant -- not occasional or sporadic.  His care is total -- even the very hairs of your head are numbered. His care is sovereign -- nothing can touch you that He does not allow." (Italics mine.)*

The author then went on to explain that trusting God is a matter of choice; it required a conscious effort.  Trusting God does not come easy.  "It is a vigorous act of the soul by which we choose to lay hold on the promises of God and cling to them despite the adversity that at times seeks to overwhelm us."*  I sat there, exhausted and terrified, knowing that this event could easily overwhelm me and wanting desperately to be able to trust that God would somehow make everything right again.  And from somewhere deep within my soul, this prayer surfaced: "God, I know you don't promise that this won't happen again.  I know you don't promise that everything will be okay.  But God, I pray that you will give us the ability to handle whatever does come.  Oh, how I pray that it WON'T happen again, but if it does, give me the strength to do what I need to do for Scott and for our children."

The coming days and perhaps weeks will be filled with waiting and tests and conversations with the doctors, and each day is a new opportunity to trust God to be sovereign in this and every situation.  God is providing the ability to go about our regular routines and finally last night both Scott and I were able to get a full night's sleep.  There are still so many unanswered questions about what may have caused the seizure, and many may go unanswered forever.  But while I'm waiting for answers I am choosing to trust, refusing to allow fear to paralyze or consume me.  I choose to say, just as David did in Psalm 56:4, "In God I trust; I will not be afraid," and in Psalm 34:4, "I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."

God, give me the strength to trust.  While my knees may tremble and my stomach may be tied in knots, may my heart not give in to fear.  For You, O Lord, are the rock on which I stand; in You I will place my trust and not be disappointed.

*Quotes are from the book "Is God Really In Control" by Jerry Bridges.